So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
