just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
