Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Someone came in the potted fern
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dick very happy bro
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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