I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Found your dick twin last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
