Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
