who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
