From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official drugs can't kill me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
