24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
