i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
