I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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