Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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