I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
