I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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