i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
