So drunk its hurt
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize