Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.