A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?