Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
