I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize