Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
