i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize