apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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