I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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