; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
