i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
