Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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