end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
