it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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