I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
