Pappa wants mamma naked
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
