so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
