Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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