dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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