I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
