Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
