i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
