Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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