she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
