I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
