In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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