i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
