From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I could fuck to npr.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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