1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
