road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
