hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
