I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were destined to go to rehab together
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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