my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
