You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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