i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
