saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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