Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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