You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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