just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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