Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
