No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
