u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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