remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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