i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
