good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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