dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
