he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
