She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
