Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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