What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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