wat bout pragnant strippers??
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
