Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
