It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Boobs are out for the taking
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
