I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
