Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
