I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
