I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
