I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
