There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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