i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
