I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She is in my trunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
