how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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