i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
