I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
