It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
