I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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